Krang

Do your children love the Ninja Turtles? Do they love Krang? Do you hate your children? If so, buy them this toy! This Krang is looks like he is wearing ugly yellow eyeshadow, likes to dribble milk out of his mouth, and rides around in a robotic walker made out of licorice. He comes from Mexico to give your children dysentery!

Okay, so his walker is not actually made out of licorice, but it is a waxy, low-detail copy of the real Krang’s robo-chair made to extremely loose standards. The helpful Mexican bootleggers were also kind of enough to leave out the knee joints and while I think the arms are technically removable, don’t dare try it. I’m pretty sure they will break forever.

I also think it’s very progressive that bootleg Krang’s bubble is murky and almost impossible to see through. Krang deserves some privacy, don’t you think? I also like that the helpful bootleggers were kind enough to leave all the mold flash on Krang’s tentacles. You know, so you can see how toys are made! That’s very thoughtful, right?

Hope you weren’t attached to the gear and thruster and network port detail on the back of Krang’s walker, because it’s all soft and nearly impossible to make out. It basically looks like a gummy fruit snack. Except if you eat this, I’m pretty sure you will get deeply ill. I also like the way the walker’s legs are all pigeon-toed and in danger of collapse. Krang’s walker is completely embarrassed.

This cheapo version of Krang unfortunately leaves out the hose that connects the gun to the walker. I think that means it can’t possibly be a brain drain gun. I think this Krang is actually just wielding a metal detector. He’s going to walk around the beach like an old man, looking for change.

You can’t really raise the canopy to view the Krang inside because the bubble is so bad it barely stays on at the best of times, but when you left it up it will definitely fall off, 100% of the time. While I am at it, I should mention that the bubble is so badly made it came full of cracks and I’m afraid the thing will just fall apart sooner or later.

Now, the bootleg Krang looks pretty bad on his own, but when you stand him up next to the real thing, wow. I feel ashamed for this bootleg. Poor guy didn’t stand a chance. He is in constant danger of falling over.

“Excuse me, do you have any Grey Poupon?”

Hope you like your Krang flexing his biceps because the bootleggers left out the tentacle articulation so you can’t move them at all. This is pretty obnoxious because the glass and legs don’t really want the tentacles in that position.

The bootleggers helpfully ruined all the detail on the back of the brain by sticking on a gigantic injection molding point. Sigh.

This toy is basically only good for collectors of weird, obscure toys or people who love total garbage. This bootleg is completely terrible. I do like that the walker is in different colors (or should I say color?) than the original, but that’s really the only plus I can bring up. This is just awful in every way. It will definitely make you sad and it will probably make you sick.

(C) 2014 Jeremy W. Kaufmann & CollectionDX