Wheeljack

This toy is a huge piece of crap, and I hate myself for buying it. I bought it on impulse because I saw it transformed into a VW Bus, which my family had when I was a kid. I have never seen the movie (nor do I intend to).  I should have taken a closer look. How are we still making things that look like this in 2024?

First off, it’s a Studio Series release. The Studio Series is meant to replciate the likeness of characters from their appearance in various media such as TV and Movies. This one comes from the 2023 movie Rise of the Beasts, which again, I have not seen. I mention this because it’s partially not Hasbro’s fault. Hasbro did not design this character, the movie studios did, and then Hasbro has to translate it into a toy.

The box is nice, but no plastic window. The backing behind the toy is supposed to become a diorama, but I have never known another collector to ever display these.

Let’s get right to it – this is the worst face I have ever seen on a Transformer.

WHAT IN THE ACTUAL F*CK. Why does a Transformer have glasses? What is with this lifeless sculpt? Why are the lips so pronounced? Why do I want to punch this and stuff it into a locker? I hate it so much and I can’t get past it. Even if the rest of the toy was perfect, I would hate it just because of the head sculpt.

The rest of the sculpt is fine, really, It LOOKS good enough.

He’s rather short, just under 5 inches.

I appreciate working the design motif of the bus into the design, such as the headlights on the legs and the mirrors on the shoulders, but would have been nice if they were just the actual bus parts.

Articulation is fine. I don’t like how the ankle pegs are so far forward on the foot, and I don’t like the lack of any wrist articulation. For a Studio Series release, they look like toddler-version hands.

The only thing I actually like about this set is the gun. It’s made out of a cool translucent plastic.

Where it all goes to hell is in the transformation. What a nightmare. It’s not even overly complicated, it’s just BAD. The tolerances and clearance around the arms and chest transformation are a disaster. You might as well pop off the doors and the front of the hood before transforming it, because they are just going to fly off. Other parts, like the sliding panels that form the top of the van, are un-necessairly tight. This toy is an abomination. I brought it to a toy show for $10 and nobody wanted it.

Here’s the vehicle mode. It also is somehow smaller than I expected it to be.

Getting everything to line up is a nightmare. This team should be fired, and the team lead should be dragged out into the parking lot and stoned to death with all the unsold stock of this toy. You can see his stupid face right through the windshield. It mocks me for buying it.

You may think I was being lazy and just didn’t put the effort to get the panels lined up. Nope, they just suck.

What even are these holes on the back of the vehicle? They don’t seem to serve any purpose.

The underside is reasonably compact save for an empty void that with proper engineering could have been a place to store the gun while in vehicle mode. Not with this toy, because it is a turd.

The gun CAN clip onto the roof, you know from that scene I’m sure never happened in the movie.

Oh and you want to add insult to injury? I recorded a whole rant on how much this thing sucks, or so I thought. Apparently I never hit record.  So there’s that.

F*ck this toy, f*ck the people who designed it, and f*ck me for buying it.